Is Love Dead?

On the dawn of Valentine’s Day, Fingertips’ Ian Shine questions the institutation of love – and how it’s celebrity participants have tarnished its image… That’s the spirit Ian.

As Valentine’s Day hovers less than 48 hours away the recent spate of news about cheating celebrities might make England look like a nation where love no longer lives.
Instead the red heart of romance has been asphyxiated by infidelity, text sex and models, both with and without their clothes on, all of whom are now dancing on its grave and planning an orgy in its bedroom.

Mr England plays away from home

John Terry’s antics have been well documented, and prove that £170,000 a week, being married to your childhood sweetheart and being England captain just aren’t enough to make you happy in 2010.
Happiness comes through getting your friend’s ex-girlfriend pregnant and then arranging for her to have an abortion.

The good news though is that Mr Terry is now in Dubai where, according to the Daily Mail, “he plans to treat his wife to a romantic Valentine’s Day meal on Sunday.”
I’m not sure what the Mail’s, or Terry’s, definition of a romantic meal is, but it’s probably not one where your wife is giving you evils across the table as you plan to fly home the same evening.

Water under the Stamford Bridge

It seems that there’s something in the water at Chelsea as team mate Ashley Cole might have upset his lady wife Cheryl again by either: a) being a very vain and stupid man; or b) being a very vain and stupid man and sending the evidence of this to a topless model.
Just two years after reportedly having a string of one night stands and receiving a six month sex ban from his wife, naked pictures of Ashley have found their way onto a topless model’s phone.
Ashley admits he took the naked pictures of himself – which is no folly, right? I mean this is something we all do from time to time, isn’t it? – but says that his friend sent the model the pictures after Ashley got a better phone and gave his crappy old one away .
Cole told The Sun: “I can’t believe that I gave a phone away that still had stuff on its memory. I thought I had deleted it.”
Whoops. Either way, the model reciprocated in kind and then engaged in text sex across 28 messages with whoever was in possession of the phone.
Plausible story maybe, but not if you’re Cheryl Cole, for whom this might prove to be more than just water under the bridge.

The Bolton Wanderer

Lanky Vernon Kay meanwhile has been taking some tips from his beloved Bolton Wanderers by writing down all his tactics but failing to actually score.
The hyperbolically accented Family Fortunes presenter – sorry, All Star Family Fortunes presenter – is said to have sent “steamy” texts and Twitter messages to what he called “only four or five friends and colleagues,” one of whom was a page three girl.
I know Kay isn’t renowned for his linguistic prowess – not that his four or five friends and colleagues would know, as he apparently never took any of them to bed – but someone should really tell him that we use the word “only” when we are talking about small amounts, or amounts that are less than we expected.
For example: “There is ONLY one thing to say to a celebrity who is daft enough to send raunchy text messages to a woman who is affiliated with a paper that loves exposing celebrities who cheat on their WAGs.”

On the other side of the fence

These are but three incidents that prove little but English tabloid readers’ prurient nature.
No one is reporting that last night Paul Scholes watched a romcom with his wife then went to bed with her at 10.30 and gave her a jolly good seeing to.
Or that Phil Neville called his wife on the way home from training to say that he just loves it when she tickles the backs of his knees.
It was reported however, by the BBC, that the divorce rate in England and Wales has fallen for five years in a row and is now at its lowest rate for 29 years, with only 11.5 divorcees for every 1000 married folk.
The Travel Trade Gazette also posted a report yesterday about long-lasting love within the travel business, which includes the somewhat baffling but charming tale of Polly Davies and Ian Robarts:
“The test before we committed to marriage was travelling together for four months.
“In Indonesia, Ian got dengue fever. We took a small propeller plane to reach a doctor but just after take-off it crashed, with petrol pouring everywhere.
“I ran from the plane with Ian, terrified it could explode. We got married when we got home.”
In amongst the text sex and the celebrity philandering true love lives. It just doesn’t sell newspapers.

For all your Showbiz news and features, whoever you follow…Fingertips.net

Ten reasons why … Michael McIntyre is so great

What is it about Michael McIntyre that’s won him legions of fans and a sell-out stint at Wembley? Fingertips’ Seun Fabumni investigates

Let’s be honest, most UK comedians are jealous of the great Michael McIntyre – and who can blame them really? In just a few short years he has reached dizzying heights of popularity on the comedy circuit – success that eluded contempories such as Peter Kay and Jack Dee for much longer.

That alone should earn him the stamp of approval from both his peers and the public.

But just in case you’re not convinced or laugh-prone to his jokes. Here are ten reasons why the nation loves this chirpy fellow:

1 – He’s a very bubbly and over-excited man. What’s more, he’s very energetic with his stage presence and you have that undoubted feeling that if you were to meet him in person he wouldn’t spit in your face, a la Amy Winehouse.

2 – Everything around us we take for granted, he uses as ammunition to fire back jokes. Whether it be about ‘man draws’ or the public’s fascination with fighting each other when attempting to get on trains.

3 – On more then a few occasions, he jokes about his appearance, with his weight being the main victim of this gag. Also, he frequently highlights his resemblance to TV fashion guru Gok Wan – even if it is just wishful thinking.

4 – For some reason he has the knack for making the same jokes seem funny after they’ve been heard for the fifth time. Not that he repeats his jokes often – but because they’re just that damn good!

5 – He is a true craftsman of what he does. If that doesn’t convince you then his sell-out tour of the o2 and Wembley Arena definitely should.

6 – He’s very camp and isn’t afraid to show. Donning flamboyant shirts and an over-excited manner.

7 – He also has a very distinguishable voice, which undoubtedly make his act even funnier. It sounds like a mix between a disgruntled Chewbacca and Dale Winton.

8 – You feel like an audience member when watching one of his shows – that you have an insight into his life without the restraining order. He constantly talks about his family life with his wife and kids, but obviously with humorous and probably exaggerated outcomes.

9 – It has been known that audience members have been left crying after witnessing his shows, and have had to leave their seats to save themselves from oxygen starvation. In addition his jokes are easily repeated to others without them losing their potency.

10 – Probably the most important reason, on why he is so successful is that he doesn’t look to offend. Many comics these days tell crass jokes that include an immense amount of profane language or mock somebody well-known. What is so unique about his shows is that you can even go and watch it with your grandma comfortably without worrying what she will think. And this ladies and gentlemen is what makes the man so great.

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The X-Factor 2009: The Story So Far

As this year’s edition of the X-Factor begins to hot up, Fingertips’ Showbiz correspondent Simon Wright takes a look at the story so far

Changes have been made, controversy and allegations have dogged the most famous judge on TV and let’s not forget The Louis Walsh Book of Rules & Regulations: Version 1.0.

Yes, this year’s X-Factor has seen it all and with an average of ten million viewers for Saturday night’s live performances, then at least 13 million tuning into Sunday’s results show, it’s a major ratings winner. With the nation glued to ITV’s latest reality extravaganza, it is time to look back at some of the moments that have made this X-Factor the most dramatic yet.

Firstly, there is no doubt about the vocal talents of Simon Cowell’s contestant Danyl Johnson. However, he has often been accused of being too arrogant by the judges and lambasted in the media for his actions. For me, if it was purely a talent show, Danyl would be firm favourite, but now the public get the only say in who leaves the competition, it must be doubted how long he will remain in the show.

Let’s also not forget Rachel Adedej’s constant battle to avoid the dreaded bottom two and Miss Frank – destined not to prove they were the best of the groups this year.

This leads us nicely onto the most topical debate: Jedward. Some people adored the twins, and others loathed them. Although vocally challenged, their entertainment value could not be faulted.

Maybe that is what Simon was thinking when he controversially sent the November 8th show to a deadlock, which eliminated the hugely-talented but under-rated Lucie Jones. Lucie was cruelly treated by Cowell, and didn’t get the credit she deserved; we are bound to hear her name in the future.

Of course, we will continue to hear of Jedward too – but hopefully not on a music basis.

What of the judges then? In the Over 25s, it is clear that Simon has had the strongest category this year. However, despite the talents of Danyl, Jamie ‘Afro’ Archer and Olly Murs, he now stands in real danger of losing the competition.

Louis is now out of the running, while Cheryl has made some inspired song choices for favourite Joe McElderry, yet pulled some very questionable moves that have seen the cute Lloyd Daniels hung out to dry.

This year though, Dannii Minogue deserves a load of credit for the way she has dealt with her girls and the shock of elimination of both Rachel and Lucie. Ignore the media reports about her supposed disagreements with Cheryl – they get along perfectly.

So, three weeks left, five acts remain in the form of Joe, Olly, Danyl, Lloyd and Dagenham Duchess Stacey Solomon. Who is going to win? Only time will tell, but we are definitely in store for a classic and dramatic final furlong of the X-Factor 2009.

For all the latest news and view on Showbiz check out Fingertips.net

A Bushtucker too many for Jordan as glamour girl walks from jungle

Bushtucker Babe Jordan has done a runner from ITV’s jungle of horrors, writes Fingertips Showbiz correspondent Daniel Shane, but did she really expect any less?

After less than a week of feasting on kangaroo genitals, being showered with cockroaches and having suspicious smelling slop chucked in her face, Katie Price has finally had her fill of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here and walked from the jungle.

Rather than face another televised crucifixion from the British public in the form of her seventh Bushtucker Trial in a row, the former Page Three girl has instead jumped on the first business class flight back to Blightly.

To be fair though, what the hell did she expect?

A hugely inflated £350,000 fee for appearing on the show (about seven times more than the other Z-listers who were roped in this time) and a very public divorce from Peter Andre in which sentiment was firmly against her effectively painted a large target on her, ahem, rather ample chest.

While the task which finally made the self-labelled businesswoman finally crack would have seen her shoved headfirst into a snake pit, it’s obvious that Katie’s decision to appear on the ITV show again would see her fed to the lions.

Viewers’ feelings against the 31-year-old have been so strong during her brief time in the Aussie outback that even a photo of snooker champ Jimmy White posing with a mass murderer in one of the tabloids this week couldn’t stem the tide of gruesome challenges thrown her way.

After hearing on Sunday night that the public had once again voted to watch her literally squirm on live television, she said: “Someone else has to do it. I’m just not doing it anymore.”

She earlier appeared resigned to her fate as the group’s Bushtucker B*tch.

“The routine is I go out to work to bring back the food … I’m the breadwinner.”

Well, not anymore you ain’t.

Katie may be used to seeing the ups and downs of her life splashed across various UK rags, but it seems that coming back to I’m a Celebrity five years after first featuring on the show has come back to bite her – and I’m not just talking about those green ants.

For all the latest news and views on all things showbiz check out Fingertips.net